baby movement...kinda freakin me out

so our son is moving around a lot lately. lots of kicks and squirms. i was excited for this time to come but now that it's here....i am not sure i am loving in. this little guy is always really low when he kicks me and it always shocks me. sometimes it literally takes my breath away, but in a weird way! you know when your heart skips beats and it feels super weird and uncomfortable? that's how this feesl to me. it's not painful, just so odd and....and i don't know. there are no words. it freaks me out!! of course it is always good to know that the baby is moving cause that means that everything is good, right? but still, i am not sure i am going to really love all the moving around. is that bad? i feel slightly guilty feeling this way. maybe once i am used to it it won't bother me. let's hope.

another opinion needed....please!

ok so i need opinions. here are 3 that i am trying to choose from. which do YOU like the best??? (from this site)

st. barts noonie

green swirls noonie

serene blue noonie

if you do not have a goole account or can not vote on blogger please vote in facebook. i like opinions when i ask for them and i WILL take your suggestion into consideration. THANKS!!!

resolutions update

last year i made some goals, not resolutions and today was the first time i looked at them since i wrote them. haha. i for sure feel good about some of them. i recycle a lot more, i did the 3-4x a week exercise thing on and off until i started feeling all sick and nasty during the first trimester. i am also more involved with church, teaching in sunday school (kid connection at our church) 2 sundays a month. i still need to work on gossiping less but i am getting better and checking my thoughts before they spew out, so that's a start. i haven't bought any books for a while (steve bought me the new sophie kinsella book but she's one of my fav authors so i just HAD to have it, and i bought a baby book, but i am reading it) but i also haven't read anything other than baby books for a while either. the cooking thing was going better during the summer,....again with the excuses....when i was feeling all sick at the sight or smell of food the cooking kind of lessened. ok, it really lessened! BUT this week i have cooked the 2 nights that steve has been home for dinner. GO ME!! and i have a meal all planned for whenever he gets home tonight. finally the money goal....this has been happening whether i want it to or not. we have been on a rather strict (or at least i find it to be strict) budget so that we can afford baby stuff. since we are back to our cash budget i only have an allotted amount that i can spend and that's it. i usually run out of money each month but i have gotten smart. i take out half of each months money on the 1st and then if i run out it's all good because on the 15th i take out the other half. usually by the second week i am running low or completely out because i like going out for meals with friends or going to the movies or whatever. the budget has helped me to be more aware of where the money goes and to appreciate it more (cause i usually end up not having any....haha). i think i am going to avoid making any more goals. there is enough stuff coming my way that is going to be a challenge (you know with the baby and all that) so that's enough to tackle for now. it'll be a year of growth regardless.

christmas cookies

last christmas i was given a recipe for mint chocolate snowball cookies. i was pretty excited to make them......and eat them. :) i doubled the recipe and ended up with a TON of these cookies. i took a big tin of them to work and tried to pawn them off on people. 2 of the girls i work with helped me out and ate about 2 dozen that day. LOL. it was intense. since then they periodically talk about how yummy they were. when the christmas season hit both started asking me when i was going to make them again. i completely forgot. the last day of school came and i still hadn't made the cookies. so i invited the girls over to bake them with me and take their share home. only one of them could come but we had fun and made almost 3 dozen (which is what the recipe yields without being doubled....yeah....i had a lot of cookies last year). we made a big mess. one of the ingredients is "lots of icing sugar" and it's not kidding. the cookies are rolled in icing sugar before being baked and then rerolled when they come out or, like i did, you can sift icing sugar over them when hot. breanne took half of them home, i gave some to another friend and steve has been eating his way through what's left. baking is WAY more fun when it is done with someone and i think this is going to be a christmas tradition for years to come. :D

PS....most of that sugar fell off once the cookies had cooled. so don't let the picture deceive you.

"what is in a name?"

choosing names...no we haven't really decided on names. we still have lots of time, so i a not stressed about it. but i am curious. how do people actually DECIDE on a name? i mean, i have names i like, some names i have liked for a long time, but how do i know that it's a name i will like forever? i mean did other people feel this way about choosing their children's names? they have the name FOREVER and you have to call them that name FOREVER. it's a pretty serious task. is it true that when you see the baby you will just "know"? do people decide the name before and go in 100% convinced of the name and end up naming the child that? do people change their minds when they see the baby? i keep looking for "better" names, just in case i miss out on a great name. i don't know. i am just not sure how we will know. any suggestions? name suggestions or ways to know suggestions. all are welcome! (steve is pretty impartial...not sure if that is helpful or not...i don't know if i want the weight of this to be all on me.)

registration for birth

went to the hospital to register for the birth today. my doctor had given me the pamphlet for registrations when i went in for my 10 week visit. that pamphlet has been stuck on my fridge for the last 10 weeks. he told me to go to the hospital between 18 and 20 weeks. i then read the pamphlet and it said to go in at 20 weeks. so today we went in. 3 other pregnant ladies were there registering and they were all HUGE!! gonna pop any day!! i started to think that maybe i was registering too soon but the pamphlet said to do it at 20 weeks and my doctor said before 20 weeks. i filled out all the paper work then talked with the nurse. she seemed surprised that i was registering already. crap. now i look like such an eager beaver!! i can't even book labour and birth classes yet because they aren't booking that far in advance. dang. now i am looking really stupid. i was able to book our tour of the maternity ward. at least that is something. do people not usually follow what the pamphlet says? do other people's doctors not tell them to go in around this time? am i a total loser? i don't like standing out this way. i rather not be registering late or early. i would rather blend in to the middle group. ugh. oh well. nothing much i can do about that now. the good thing is that the nurse seemed really nice. that's a good start and the maternity ward actually looked pretty nice too (in comparison to the rest of LMH). oh well.

personal space bubbles

yesterday as i was driving around langley i was getting thoroughly annoyed with people who were driving RIGHT on my tail. i started thinking that maybe my 'personal space bubble' is just bigger than other's and that maybe those drivers aren't too close for most people, they are just too close for me. i was told recently that canadians have the biggest personal space bubbles, followed by americans and then europeans. makes sense. we live in less populated countries and therefore we are used to having our own space and not having to smell the person standing near us. i wonder if this transfers to our driving? in places like asia, central and south america and africa people drive like lunatics! they weave in and out of traffic, they drive super close to the person in front of them and beside them. we don't do that here. or if you do do that people get annoyed with you and possibly yell and swear at you (i was annoyed but didn't do either of those things :D). when steve and i were in vegas this past october we had a run in with a whole bus load of tourists from another (unmentioned) country while at a gelato stand. there was a long line up for gelato which we joined and patiently waited our turn. people kept pushing us and leaning against us and cutting in line. when we finally made our way to the gelato counter one of the staffers asked us what we would like and one of the tourists started yelling over us and waved a $100 bill around in hopes of being served first. this man was leaning over us with this whole chest again my back. where is the PERSONAL SPACE??? dude, we don't do that here. back off! is that all it is? just different cultural space bubbles? i dunno. anyway, just thought i would share this random thought trail i had.

squirm squirm

i am feeling movement now. i was expecting to feel "flutters" but whoever said that it feels like a flutter is insane....or else they felt something very different than what i am feeling. so it's not a strong kicking feeling but it's no flutter. a flutter sounds like a nice soft feeling, or else it would describe a nervous feeling (like having butterflies). i don't really know how to explain what i am feeling but it almost takes my breath away each time i feel it. it's not something i can ignore either. it's so weird to feel a tiny little foot or arm hitting you from the inside. if i had to explain it i would say it feels like when a small dog's tail hits against you, except on the inside. anyway, it's weird. haha

the baby @ 18(ish) weeks

that's our baby....our BABY! man that feels weird to say (or i suppose type). the ultrasound wasn't exactly what i expected. we had one done at 10 weeks. we knew we wouldn't see much at the 10 weeks ultrasound. i was a little surprised that steve wasn't allowed back until the end but once i understood that i wasn't going to be shown anything either until the end i was fine with him not being there while they just did measurements. anyway, this ultrasound was gonna be different....or so i thought. i thought we would see way more and get to watch the baby for a little while. but sadly that wasn't really what happened. the tech did tons of measurements and kept saying that the baby wasn't "cooperating" with her. haha. apparently it was hiding down super low and she couldn't see it very well. after a while the baby finally moved up and she got what she needed. she then got steve and showed us the baby. it was short. we maybe saw the baby for 2 minutes while she quickly took the pictures and labelled them. my half hour was up (if the baby had "cooperated" i am sure we would have been able to look at the baby for a longer length of time). oh well.

the baby was super active. he or she was moving its arms all over the place. at one point it stretched its neck out and threw it's head back. it was pretty crazy watching it all. SO different then the 10 weeks ultrasound. but i couldn't feel any of the movement. hopefully that will come soon.

we were told that i am measuring exactly as i should be for my dates. she also said that "everything looks great". so i guess that's good news!! the heart beat is 130 bpm. at my last doctor's appointment it was 140 bpm, all within norm. all excellent news!

mornings

does anyone have nice and peaceful mornings before work? you know the kind. you get up. put on a bathrobe. go to the kitchen and make some tea or coffee. sip your hot beverage while reading the newspaper and eating a yummy breakfast. slowly make your way back upstairs. get dressed. do your hair and head to work. do your morning looks like that? here is what my mornings looks like: alarm goes off. nope not getting up, too tired. reset alarm. alarm goes off again. lie there for another 10 minutes. shoot! gotta get up i have to leave in less than 30 minutes. brush teeth. quickly change. throw on makeup. attempt to fix hair. run downstairs. throw cheese, rice cakes and an apple into my lunch bag. grab a granola bar and head out the door. dang....not fun! what's the trick? go to bed earlier so i can get up earlier? is it worth it? do those morning actually exist? or do most people do mornings like i do?

another odd dream

dreamt about liza minneli last night...yeah....it's weird, i know. i dreamt that i was helping put together a show for her (i watched apprentice before going to bed last night and that was one of the team's tasks). right before she was going to go on stage i received a phone call from her doctor telling me that she had a huge growth in her stomach and he needed to talk to her ASAP. i gave her the phone and she started freaking out. conveniently i had a sonogram machine and i knew how to do an ultrasound. so i quickly put jelly all over her stomach (which was actually pretty big) and tried to look at the growth. it turned out to be a baby. she was preggo. BUT there was no amniotic fluid so we had to deliver the baby right then and there. pretty intense stuff eh?

dreams

i have had pretty vivid dreams for years but it seem like now that i am pregnant (and up more in the night to go to the bathroom) i am remembering more dreams. some mornings i can remember 3 dreams from the night before. i thought that i would document some of my dreams since they are pretty odd.

on monday i saw one of my students at school and immediately asked her if her mom was ok. i had an intense feeling that something really bad had happened to her mom. well the student looked at me like i was slightly crazy and told me that her mom was fine. i realized that the reason i thought something was wrong was because i had dreamt that her mom had died....so weird!

2 nights ago i dreamt that i was at my house (not the house i live in now) alone one evening and this guy broke in and tried to attack me. then one of my sisters (in real life she is a colleague, not my sister) arrived and the guy forced me down the stairs to where she was. my "sister" saw me and said hi. the guy pushed me down the stairs and attacked my "sister". he slammed the back of her head into a counter. she passed out and was lying on the floor. then another one of my "sisters" came in (yup, another girl i work with in real life) and she was also attacked (her head was hit into the dryer). 2 more "sisters" came in (one is a girl from work and the other a girl i went to college with) and they were also knocked out but they both died. the guy then showed me pictures of the attack and a movie. he then uploaded it onto his blog and left. i checked on my sisters who were still alive. they were ok. it turned out that one of them was 31 weeks pregnant and didn't look pregnant at all (which made me angry because i was 17 weeks and showing way more). she had an ultrasound in our house right then and the baby was fine. none of us seemed very scared....at this point i woke up. i got up and when i went back to bed i dreamt it all over. the only difference was that when the attacker showed up he was offering to take pictures for me and my friends on my front lawn....i was trying to take a picture of us all but was struggling. i thanked him for helping us. then i realized that he wasn't using my camera, he was using the camera my attacker had used. i all of a sudden realized that it was the same man and that he was going to do the same thing as last time, and he did. (which makes no sense because all 4 of my "sisters" were alive during round 2 of the attack but i knew that 2 of them had died previously).

last night i dreamt that i was taking this HUGE truck to the CO-OP gas station but didn't know if it should have diesel or regular. so i tried calling steve but he wouldn't answer. then gas was pouring out of the top of the truck and spraying everywhere like rain. i kept thinking that i shouldn't be outside because the fumes would be bad for the baby but i really needed to fill up. then i noticed that it was full serve and was super frustrated that no one was there helping me.