Monday, February 21, 2011

to work or not to work?

i have 23 days of work left! wow! i can't believe that that is it. after that i will hopefully have some time to chill, rest, read and finish getting ready for this little boy to arrive. then BAM, life changes forever. i am so excited and so nervous at the same time. we are going to be parents. that's kinda crazy. i can't wait to meet him. it's going to be so amazing. i know i am going to be beyond exhausted and overwhelmed with the changes but i also think that the first few months will just all blend together because day and night will no longer mean anything. i will sleeping during the day when he sleeps and be up at all hours of the night feeding, burping, rocking, changing etc. but then if i fast forward a year i have a big decision to make. do i return to work or stay home? i know i can't make this decision now. i can't guess what our financial situation will be like. but we have attempted to save and to make life work on 1 income for the past 7 months and so far we aren't drowning. so if life continues this way am i just never going to work again until my kids are way older? until i want to work just because i want to work? am i going to give up my job? am i going to say goodbye to LCS forever? or just until my kids are in school? am i going to no longer have ties to that community of people? i love the kids i work with. i love my colleagues. i love my work. but i also really love the idea of staying home and raising our kids. i love the idea of hanging out with them, reading to them tons, playing with them, planning outings, and pulling my hair out because they are driving me crazy! so what does this all mean? i want to say that i am going to stay home and that i will not return to work after my year off, but part of me feels like i can't commit to that just yet. i don't know what life is going to be like. there are so many unknowns. i often feel like i need to aspire to do more, be more. but really i love my job, i love the idea of being a stay at home mom and in the end i believe that i will know God's plan for me, for our kids, for our family.

1 comment:

  1. i think this is a big struggle for many moms who love their jobs. man, you have that baby, spend a year with him 24/7 and your decision gets even huger because you realize how much he changes each and every day. i know that for us, it's been a tougher year financially but TOCing has been a big help yet very flexible. keeps me in touch with my "career" and gives me a little break from momhood but doesn't take me away everyday. :) but waiting until a year from now to make your decision sounds very smart too! :)